floralens

What are my odds?

I found a lump 2 weeks ago on my right breast.  I was overdue for a 6 month mammogram by 6 months at the time this thing just jumped out at me when I was taking off my bra.  First thing I did was ask my hubby to feel it and his response was immediate:  go get it checked. 

So I called the hospital where I went for my mammogram 6 months ago told them I found a lump and needed to come in for my long overdue pictures.  At first they wanted me to go see my family doctor first, but I told them I just wanted to skip that step, come in get the pictures and then go to see my doctor.  They asked for a prescription from him for more detailed pics and an ultrasound, which he wrote up.  The next day I go in for the procedure and after the second set of photos and waiting forever the doctor came in and said that it looks benign but they've been fooled before and I need to go to the hospital for a core biopsy.  yikes!  The nurse looked at me and said "Don't start planning your funeral yet"  I told her I would be much more comfortable if they hadn't told me I needed a biopsy! 

Last Thursday, August 16th at 11:00 am, I went in for the ultrasound core biopsy.  Ya know, the procedure itself didn't hurt a bit because he had numbed me up so well, all I felt was the anesthetic needle at first when he inserted it, but I didn't even really feel that after the initial prick.  He marked my right shoulder with his initials, drew and X on the lump on my boob and washed my girl down with some clear stuff that he said was better than betadine, made a tiny incision and inserted the tool.  Each time he took a sample he warned me before the POP noise the tool makes when it takes the sample out, so all in all the whole thing wasn't too terrible.  The terrible part is they told me 24 hours on Thursday till they got the results from pathology.   She said they  do their best to make news travel fast so whoever can call me first on Friday would, either the hospital or my family doctor.

Friday morning I woke up early (always do) fed the dogs, played a little online poker and waited patiently till 8 am when I promptly called Dr. Beaumont's office to see if they got the results.  Of course they hadn't.  I waited till 11 am.  No calls.  Called the family doc again.  No results.  Paced around the house.  Went out for breakfast with my dear husband.  (late breakfast lol)  waited waited paced paced.  Finally at 3:30 I called the Breast Center and told them I was looking for my results.  They put me through to a nurse who promptly called me back and said pathology wasn't done with my biopsy yet.  She said she'd call them to ask if they would be done by 4:30 which must be the magic cut off time on Friday afternoons (Do hospital pathology departments close the weekends?) and she'd call me back one way or the other.  Four o'clock she calls and says "sorry, but we won't have an answer for you till Monday".

So I have just lived the longest weekend of my life.  I tried to relax yesterday, but I couldn't.  Same today.  Oh well, its evening now, there's a new episode of Big Love on in 20 minutes...that'll distract me for an hour anyway.

What do you think my odds are?  Is it 50/50 like having a baby girl or baby boy?  50/50 its cancer or its not? 

Just a few more hours...at least 13 of 'em but most of them I will be sleeping.  Some of them. 

Wish me luck

QotD: My Thoughts on Prenups

Would you sign a prenuptial agreement? Why or why not?
Submitted by Lantastic. 

I don't know thats a tough question.  For some people, they equate the quantity and quality of love based on the presentation of a prenup.  I think if it is handled with sensitivity and love, it will ensure that both parties leave with what they came with BUT see there is my problem, its like you are starting with a solution to a problem when what you should be starting with is love and trust.

Is that not like admitting defeat before you start?

I have cancer...

I got a call from my family doctor this morning, it is indeed cancer.  We are going in for some counseling tonight with him, and then on Wednesday I have a meeting with the surgeon. 

I'm pretty numb...not worried so much about beating it as I am about keeping my family from falling to pieces.  Keep us in your prayers.

Sigh...

The nurse from the Center from Breast Care called yesterday and talked to me for a good long time and at least now I don't feel SO uneducated about this whole thing.  Its called Invasive ductal breast cancer which means it started in a milk gland and got loose. 

Last night we went in to see my family doc, my DH and DD and future son in law came along (I have SUCH an awesome family).  We got lots of questions answered.  But I still have a million.  I have a friend who went through this last year in September, I held her hand through the internet through her surgery and chemo, and she is really a book of knowledge and experience...so much so that I have to ask her to stop sometimes...I get on information overload.  She said there are 2 types of cancers...one feeds on estrogen and is slow growing and the other one is a quicker growing type.  I asked Dr. Beaumont if I had the Estrogen type and he said he saw nothing on the pathology report that says it is.  another sigh... but my gf says the type isn't as important as if its in my glands.  and how far in my glands it is.

So from the sound of it, things are going to be moving really fast.  I see the surgeon tomorrow at 1:00 at which time, from my understanding, we will schedule an MRI of both breasts and schedule the surgery.  I guess I won't be surprised if  the surgery is Friday.  My mommy wants to fly up this weekend.  God, I need her.  You know .... you never "outgrow" your mommy.  :)

He increased my antidepressant dosage told me I need to eat GOOD for me food and get lots of sleep.   Sleep is good...its escape and now I have a good excuse to "take a nap"  LOLOL

I'm pretty scared...really scarey thoughts going through my head like:  what if its everywhere inside me and the breast is the only place it showed up?  I'm not scared of losing my boobs...they are too big and heavy anyway and now I'm going to fear ALWAYS that there might be cancer in there if I keep them.  Wait...I am so getting ahead of myself.  I have to see what the surgeon has to say and what his plan of action is.  (settledownkaren)

Not sure if I will post any more today.  Nikki told me to do this, that maybe I will somehow be helping someone somewhere...and now that I have started I am afraid the floodgates might have opened.  But..I will definitely be back to journal tomorrow after my appointment.

Thank you all for your kind words and blessings.

Next Step: MRI

We went to meet my surgeon Dr. Fox (and he's cute!!) yesterday.  He immediately calmed me down.  He has an excellent chairside manner, he's soft spoken, and he knows what he's doing.  So heres the skinny.

There are three grades of cancer.  First grade:  stays put where it starts and grows real slow.  Second grade:  escapes from point of origin and is faster growing.  Grade three:  lets not go there.  I have Grade 2.  Ok its NOT grade 1, but its early.  He said the lump is 9mm long.  I fall into that elite group that need diagnostic MRI to make sure there is nothing growing deeper that we can't feel.

So heres the thing girls...all my adopted daughters and friends...get to know your breasts.  I did exams but not regularly, I counted on the doctor to do it once a year during my physical.  So mine were weak at best...my logic, I am so lumpy I will never find anything.  Not so...this tumor just popped out at me from nowhere 3 weeks ago.  Now for the bad news...the mammogram does NOT show it.  Its clear on the ultrasound, but if I hadn't found it, who knows how long it would have been growing inside me before ... ok I am not going there either.  Start feeling your boobies girls...lay on your back...do it in the shower...whereever just do it.

I am all scheduled for surgery Monday.  There is a lot of stuff I have to do before.  The scariest part is the MRI.  Not scarey because its an MRI, but scary because if there is more in there, my whole treatment plan changes.  Right now, my doctor wants to do a lumpectomy and radiation therapy after.  (im finally getting tattoos yay)  LOL...BUT if something is fishy on the MRI, we cancel Monday's surgery and meet with the plastic surgeon.  He promised me I won't go into the surgery expecting a lumpectomy and come out with a masectomy.  I guess when they do a total radical the plastic surgeon is right there on standby for after the boobies come off.   Please pray my MRI is all good.  I'm still scared.  But more optimistic. 

the nodes boss the nodes

I keep forgetting about that part...they are also doing a node-ectomy or whatever they call it.  The surgeon removes the sentinel lymph nodes and sends them off to pathology during the surgery.  If they have cancer in them, he takes all the nodes out.  He told me there are nine of them he may have to remove.  or may not.

SHIT I AM SCARED

*edited Jan. 29th, 2008:  Sentinel node biopsy is the word. :)

Just one thing after the other

Today, I got the results from my MRI of both breasts.  I was worried I had other spots on the right side...I was wrong, there is a lump on the left side that only the MRI picked up.  So my surgeon tried to get me in for a MRI guided biopsy today, but they didn't have the staff on hand, so its scheduled for early Monday morning.  My surgery is postponed until we get the pathology report. 

I have it on both sides.  I don't need a report or a biopsy, I just know it.  Its just been one thing after the other.  One of those weeks where all news was bad news.  I'm trying really hard to keep my chin up but its hard.  I got a feeling I am in for more than what we planned on yesterday. 

I'm going to tell my surgeon on Monday that I want total mastectomy.  I can't imagine living the rest of my life with the fear that the cancer has come back.  I want these suckers off.  I've had my babies, done my nursing, I don't need  'em anymore, besides, they are saggy.  I want perky C cups.  lol

pray for me

its another day

Ok...some of the things I've been learning about since I was diagnosed, well, I finally got the courage to google a little.

Here is the link for MRI guided biopsy:  http://www.mayoclinic.org/breastimagingservices-jax/mribreastbiopsy.html

And the link for Tamoxifin, the drug I will have to take for 5 years after my treatment ends.

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Therapy/tamoxifen

I still don't have the courage to actually google "breast cancer"  I don't want to get ahead of myself or scare myself even sillier.

QotD: Some Sunny Sunday

Where is your favourite place to be on a sunny Sunday afternoon? 
Submitted by Rev Stan.

Out on a golf course in a tank top with my camera.  Hopefully making a few good golf shots too!!!

Karen Pics for Mom (1)

Getting through another weekend unsure...

Well, thank goodness its Sunday night.  Tomorrow I get the left breast biopsied.  HOLY COW you should see my right booby, it looks like a beach ball....many many colors.  And when they did the MRI they musta smashed my back a bit cuz i am bruised on both sides.

The hardest part about the weekend was spending another weekend not knowing.  I thought we had everything all mapped out and planned and a beginning was there and now there's another damn glitch thrown in.

I wish I could cry.  I have no tears.  I got a feeling I will fall to pieces when my Mommy gets here.  50 years old and I'm still a Momma's girl.  I slept just about 20 hours yesterday.  I've been keeping myself chilled out with Xanax..and since I can be in surgery at ANY time I can't take my anti-inflammatory for my arthritis and my dang knee is locking up like crazy.  I'm not sure if I had mentioned this, but I was/am scheduled for total knee replacement on the right side October first.  As long as I don't have to have chemo, I can still do that surgery.  I guess that is what depresses me the most.  I feel like I got my life back on the left side when I got that knee replaced...I was so looking forward to being a normal person again.  And someone throws a dang monkey wrench in it.  oh well...I'll get through it, I'm a tough old bat.